How to Get Expelled

I only slept for two hours last night and you would think that would imply I place academics at the forefront of my priority list. But no, don't let me ruin your impression of me as a complete slacker, because I was in fact just staring at the title page of my lab report for the majority of the night, willing it to complete itself. By the time I decided to actually put my grey cells to use, I was so epicly tired that my hand was shaking when I tried to write out the title of my next experiment to be conducted a mere six hours later. So I decided to take the high road and finish my lab report like a good girl. Except, like a bad girl, I decided I was so highly uninterested in chemical reactions that I wrote the following (verbatim):

Introduction

There comes that time of year when all my motivation goes down the tubes because the semester is almost at an end and the increasingly pleasant weather is imminent of glorious summer afternoons.

Without further ado, I would like to inform you that you will find neither the introduction nor the discussion section of this lab report completed because, for lack of a better phrase, I don’t feel like doing it. I wish I could put it in less criminalizing words, but I would rather be honest than try to put together a feeble excuse, especially considering how I am already blatantly disfiguring what is meant to be a scientific report with this paragraph.

I'm sure you have marking to get done, so I apologize for wasting your time, but I do feel obligated to give you an insight into my academically deviant mind because you have been very forgiving with me this semester and I appreciate it. The only reasoning I can give you is: I’m a wuss and I’m tired of school. (Yes, I realize this is only a second-year class, but this is my fourth year in university and I salute all those who stay on for longer).

To further elongate this report so you don’t immediately notice something fishy about it (before you even read these words), here is a cupcake recipe to fatten up the page count and possibly your gut in the future:

[Cupcake recipe was inserted here with APA citation included in the References page.]

I find baking to be a lot like a Chemistry lab: you mix your reagents in a bowl, follow the procedure and stick it in the oven, and you end up with an (hopefully) edible product.

I hope you found this to be a nice detour from your work in Organic Chemistry. Please enjoy the rest of this report (or lack thereof).

Yes, I did in fact hand that in. Here's hoping my TA has a good sense of humour... (And the font got really small because...?!?!)