Long Overdue

Hello, world. I have finally emerged from my cave of academia to type out this entry. Thank goodness for the "thesaurus" function in MS Word: four essays later, my brain has been drained of all expanded vocabulary. But don't worry, this post will be 100% organic Samaa.

I am all for shamelessly writing about bodily functions (I think it is becoming somewhat of a trademark for me... 'tis the end of my intellect as we know it), and here I offer a list of things that should continue to be done in private as they are today, but should also be less taboo. This list is PG-rated, unless you are squeamish and/or proper with highly refined table manners, in which case, I do believe there are tea and crumpets in the next room.

1. Picking noses: Yes, it is gross to witness, but I'm pretty sure every child does this as their go-to method for nostril cleaning, and I think kids have it right. Just take a deep breath (if your sinuses will let you) and admit that there is no better way to get the debris out of your nose. I obviously reach for a tissue when my blocked airways call, but it is so frustrating having remnants left over and nine Kleenexes later, I am counting down the minutes until I can get into the shower and use the proper "tools." There is so much oxygen just waiting to be inhaled. When alone, don't be ashamed to use what God gave you.
2. Pooping in public washrooms: For hygiene reasons alone, this can be stressful, but sometimes you gotta go when you gotta go, and having to be super self-conscious if someone else is in a neighbouring stall, or washing their hands, or combing their eyelashes, is the final straw. Yes, world, everyone poops, including women (shocker). Being of the female persuasion, I often wish I was a fruit fly that could poop freely without fear of judgement. I don't know if guys have this issue with their fellow stall-mates, but I fear that if my end-products dare make a noise, I shall be condemned to Loserville by my peers for the rest of my life. I know I'm waging psychological warfare on myself, but can we all agree to not judge the various noises we hear when we are in the bathroom? Poo happens.
3. Hiccuping: Unless your loud, drunken hiccup interrupts the launch of a spaceship, I don't think hiccups should be embarrassing. I've seen enough people blush and guiltily excuse themselves for something that isn't smelly, messy, or even voluntary. Your diaphragm appreciates your concern, but it will keep on going regardless of how you feel. So unlike that air bubble trapped in your throat, just go with the flow.
4. Smiling at strangers: Okay, I'm getting off the body talk train before I lose all my readers. Years of working in customer service have brainwashed me into smiling at whomever I cross paths with. However, I find that younger people (ages preteen to twenty-I-know-everything-five) tend not to smile back and, on the contrary, look at you like your sinister face is a portal to the underworld. I've seen people recoil in fear as if I'm about to mug them, or else look at me like I have real nerve trying to be friendly with someone of their high caliber. I have no ill intentions... unless you blatantly disregard my toothy grin. Then somebody gonna get a hurt real bad.

I hope you agree that we need to slow down on the judgement. I think if animals had the capacity for human language, they would tell us how silly we are for confining ourselves while they poop freely in open grass. Although I do agree we should all go potty in enclosures, we should also accept that we, too, are animals (with iPhones!) and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I shall write with words that incur more pleasant imagery next time. Thank you for sticking around... like my boogers.