Take a Chill Pill

Does anybody ever actually relax when you tell them that? It's like poking someone in the eye and telling them to see clearly [now the rain is gone!].

I am writing this primarily to avoid studying, but also because I realize that my writing often gets heavy in delivering insightful commentary. As such, it is important to stop being a self-righteous know-it-all and talk about some airy fairy things every once in a while. I mean, I wouldn't want your head to explode with too much of my twenty-four-year-old wisdom. Leave some things to the really old people, shall we?

Here is a list of things that are not of any use at all:

1. Today, one of my ten fingernails is shorter than the others. This is because I was cutting onions yesterday and, possessing the culinary skills of a vacuum cleaner, I managed to slice off the tip of my fingernail. I then trimmed the rest of the damage off with nail clippers, but was too lazy to do the same to all the other nails.
2. Speaking of being an amateur, I literally sob every time I cut red onions. My poor vulnerable eyeballs are exposed to that onion-y chemical of doom and it feels like I am going to burn my retinas into oblivion. There are tears and ample amounts of snot running down my face after a single onion, and I beg the vegetable gods for mercy.
3. My cat is shedding fur thanks to the changing weather, and now I am quite positive my entire GI tract is lined with his hair. This is a result of cuddling him for excessive amounts of time (which, to him, probably feels like some sick, twisted form of abuse; he likes his freedom) and consequently, his hair enters all my facial orifices only to end up in God knows which organ of my body. I am constantly picking his fur off my face. I don't even care, I just love hugging the life out of him (wait, what?).
4. My parents love my cat more than they love me. I am not even upset, because it is impossible to love anyone or anything more than my cat. I suspect he has some feline hypnotic powers that can charm even the most resistant.
5. I am a crazy cat lady (under hypnosis).
6. I have two very fancy-looking vodka bottles that I use as water bottles because they hold a good amount of liquid and they are just plain nice to look at with their artistic forms sitting on my end table. However, they consequently make me seem like a bedside alcoholic. Especially because the way I drink water is to chug until my stomach starts cramping in horror. I just can't remember to keep sipping at a normal pace over the course of the day, so I end up compensating with Olympian chug-a-thons.

That is all for now.