OMGWTF.

If you are a man (or woman, or any squeamish sex), the following may cause psychological discomfort. It is about what goes down once a month with the girls (think blood + orifice). Catch my drift? So you have been warned. Okay, yay!

I bought a menstrual cup today (Diva Cup, to be exact) because I have enough flow to literally represent the Red Sea. In summary, a menstrual cup is a silicone/latex oval-shaped cup with a stem (looks like a funnel) that is inserted into the vagina to collect menstrual fluid. During the day you take it out, dump out the contents, and put it back in. Advantages include not having to worry about leakage (i.e. external bleeding), and reusability among others.

Okay, people. Step one: insert cup into vajayjay. Being the excited kind of person I am, I wanted to stick it in there right away. HELLO, vaginal resistance. After the first ten failed attempts to get it in (and yes, I followed instructions) I considered that I was actually not a woman, but an asexual human-shaped creature of the deep.

I came out of the shower shaking from my ordeal. But I was determined to try again after rereading the user's manual, so I went back in there and tried possibly every position in the Kama Sutra (minus the man) to no avail. GRRRR. I almost had it in there a couple times, but it didn't last. (That's what she said.)

Now I'm sitting here with my innards burning a little. In good news, I know why it didn't work. Seeing as I don't usually do this (ever), my canal is tense like it's about to write a Calc exam.

So the plan is that next time I try, I'm going to think of Daniel Radcliffe waiting for me in a bathtub filled with bubbles on which rose petals gently float with vanilla-scented candles flickering lustily. :D

Goodnight!