What Doesn't Kill You...

Dear Formal Education,

I used to think I was smart. And deep down, I still do believe that I am somewhat intelligent. However, your system of assessing my skills and knowledge has reduced me to thinking I have the IQ of cabbage.

Yes, I know what I get out of my education is completely up to me, and unfortunately I am the type of person who loses motivation to do well when my marks plummet... a vicious cycle.

Anyway, I am here to call a truce and not hate on you since it will only bite me in the butt at the end of it all. What I am trying to say to you and the faculty I deal with at university is: PLEASE PASS ME. PLEEEEEAAAASSSSEEEE!

Love,
Samaa

Hot Potato

I have a friend who I hold very dear to me. He is of the male persuasion. At one point, I wanted more but the feelings were unreturned. It was a bummer, but it's okay - you cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it. The problem is, although I managed to move on, he never was able to let go of the fact that I LIKED him. I put it in capitals because it put so much strain on our friendship that from being really close, our bond disintegrated in front of my eyes within a matter of days. I wanted to be honest with him, so I told him how I felt. Maybe if I hadn't told him, we would still be best buddies.

I feel abandoned because although it is uncomfortable being in a one-sided relationship for both parties, I got over it and I did my best to stay on the down low. And let me clarify, neither did I write him sonnets or try to seduce him in dark alleyways, nor did I do anything even in the least romantic after we discussed the issue. He started dating someone and I legitimately backed off. I'm not even upset that he reacted badly, because it is totally understandable. But it does bother me that months later, he is not over it to the point where he would rather burn bridges than even maintain a friendship on the most basic level. I guess it's because I have a vagina, so it can never be platonic again...?!?!?

I don't mean to put him down, because he is genuinely one of the most wonderful human beings I've had the pleasure to get to know and be friends with, and he is a good person. I guess I just opened Pandora's box.

I feel like a hot potato :P, only because the man I once considered one of my best friends has practically turned into a different person altogether, a stranger. It's like the friend I had in him died and now I have to deal with a cold, distant replacement. Except I don't have to deal with him, because he is completely absent.

Now for my two cents: if someone expresses that they love you (to whatever extent), it shouldn't destroy what was there before if you don't feel the same way. Yes, maybe a period of distancing to allow the awkwardness to dissipate is reasonable, but if someone says they love you, it took him/her courage and honesty to tell you and I think that should be appreciated and respected.

I don't regret that I told my friend how I felt. I did it because I valued honesty in our relationship and trust me, it took gigantic balls to do. Maybe if I hadn't I would still be able to text him without crapping my pants thinking he might be irritated at my attempt to reconnect once again. But I shouldn't have to live in fear that I won't be accepted for wanting to reach out and be the caring person that I am.

I think I've been polite enough. So now I'm just going to say one mean thing to get it off my chest: [Insert name here], I'm not pining away for you, so get off your throne and let go of your ego. Realize that I was just being a friend to you in the same way I am with all my friends. So just take a chill pill, buddy. I care about you. Be happy.

Being an Eager Beaver

I think I handed in my sanity along with my resignation letter at work the other day. Perhaps the impending time freedom I am about to have is causing a chemical imbalance in my brain, because I have started suggesting to my soon-to-be-former co-workers that we should all go white-water rafting one weekend. Do I even know them well enough to be strapped together with them as we go crashing through waves and have water sent up our nostrils? Probably not, but isn't that how friendships are formed?? In life-threatening, thrill-seeking, adrenaline-inducing contexts??

Anyway, I made this suggestion via text to a friend from work and instantly regretted the decision (why must I be so impulsive?) so instead sent a follow-up text saying we should just go for dinner with the others instead. I don't know, I felt like I had crossed an unseen line where you just don't suggest such intimate encounters with the wild as a hang out with mere co-workers. Like, maybe it was asking too much? But that's me thinking about what society would say, because I truly would be more than happy to have fun doing something like that.

*Sigh* Is it wrong to want to live big and perhaps expect people to invest time and effort in each other? Maybe. I know I do have trouble gauging how much a person is willing to put into a relationship but I do believe I have the right idea and people should be open to such bonding experiences. Because it may seem daunting or uncomfortable, but if you forever stay in your bubble of comfort, learning about people, connecting with them on a deeper level - all that may never get a chance to make relationships blossom. Then again, I am an emotional sap and am friendly beyond reason, haha. I like getting to know people closely and not everyone is like that. For some, people just come and go in life and it's not a big deal.

I think my way of living is better. Yay for opinions!

Earth Hour 2012

Hello Inhabitants of the Earth,

Watch this video and be inspired. This is not a question, it is an order:

Seriously, our planet is totally worth fighting for. This year, I have really been bothered by how much waste the fast food industry produces without blinking an eye (fluttering an eyelash? Batting an eyeball? Okay, I'mma stop now). I'm not allowed to bash where I work on a public forum such as the Internet (I signed a form!), which I understand, but I am going to, anyway. Lawsuit, here I come!

I work at a certain coffee shop, and the values they have for the environment are non-existent if not flagrantly disgusting. Seriously, everything we serve coffee and/or food in is made of what once used to be a tree and everything is so horribly disposable, it literally makes my stomach turn when I see how our garbage overflows within the span of an hour. Since this franchise seems to have permeated every street corner, you'd be hard-pressed to find a patch of land which does not have at least one branded coffee cup lying on the ground, not decomposing in the least and most likely leaching some nasty chemical/dye into the earth below.

I don't have a problem with the company's success, but I do have a problem that they don't give a crap about the trash they leave behind in our communities and all the resources they waste ALL the time. The public is not holding them accountable for their idiocy and I think we should since they literally feed our families (don't even get me started on how unhealthy their products are). If you're a Canadian, you probably know which coffee shop I speak of and next time you swing by one, check out their garbage bins, which are separated into compartments for recyclables. I can tell you right now all those recyclables just go into the trash.

I'm actually disturbed that I work for a company that has no respect for the Earth and yeah, I'm a starving student who needs the pocket money, but I'm the type of person that wants to work for a company with values that I can stand by myself. So I think I shall boycott them this year :D. (Yes, I'm also conveniently planning on resigning soon, but it would be unfair to say it's solely for the cause, I also have other reasons.)

Well, that rant turned out to be longer than I intended. But! I hope it got the gears turning in your head. The fast food industry is a huge (if not the biggest) player in our economy, and I don't think they should be abolished or anything (well, they should, but it would have major consequences). However, not only do they enable unhealthy eating (obesity is becoming a big, fat problem... word play intended) but they produce SO much waste... it's hard to think that we so readily give them our hard-earned money.

Okay, I'm done. Please participate in Earth Hour! You can make a difference!

Signed,
Tree Hugger Extraordinaire

My Patellar Region is Hurting

I am once again awake at an ungodly hour, working on a lab report (yes, for the same class in which I submitted a cupcake recipe instead of an academically sound explanation of Organic Chemistry - refer to my previous post). There don't seem to be enough hours in the day lately, as I am closing in on actually having to submit the report in T-minus six hours and I am really nowhere being done.

I have been very cat-like recently in my desire to sleep for 16 hours a day, preferably in patches of sunlight. Of course, this desire is often left to fester within me, unmet, although I do cave in to my serotonin receptors every once in a while, which I did today.

What I'm trying to say is that I illegally napped (Book of Awesome, anyone? :D) way too much and now I'm royally screwed for deadlines.

Both myself and a dear friend of mine have had to deal with persons at our respective schools who have been lucky enough to get their hands on solutions for midterms/assignments, while those of us who are less privileged have to actually learn the content and know what the heck we're writing down for answers. To be fair, I think if I had the solutions, I would use them. I'm just bitter coz I don't have that luxury. If I did, I don't think I'm pious enough to bypass the chance to get guaranteed, easy marks if they did fall into my hands. I guess that makes me just as bad as any cheater out there. I do believe that at some point in every university student's academic career, there comes a time when you're just about ready to throw your moral compass out the window and do whatever it takes, by hook or by crook, to get a credit without digging your GPA a grave.

Anywhoo, I went to watch The Hunger Games with myouterinnermonologue last night. I'm not nearly as crazed or fond of the series as the masses seem to be. I enjoy the books, don't get me wrong, but I do find the hype to be a little obnoxious. In any case, I was displeased with the movie as it failed to explain/emphasize the political messages in the story, which I think is the best/most important thing the series has going for it. That is all I have to say about that.

I should probably go back to my lab report... I'm pretty sure when I finish these labs I will do the happy dance reserved for lottery winners of the world. And yet I claim to enjoy being a student. In the hella wise words of Einstein: I love to learn, but my education keeps getting in the way. Yes, he was indeed a genius.

P.S. Justin Bieber must have some training in brainwashing/hypnotism coz his new single (Boyfriend) has been playing through my mind like a broken record for the past two days. I secretly don't mind (but this stays between us).

How to Get Expelled

I only slept for two hours last night and you would think that would imply I place academics at the forefront of my priority list. But no, don't let me ruin your impression of me as a complete slacker, because I was in fact just staring at the title page of my lab report for the majority of the night, willing it to complete itself. By the time I decided to actually put my grey cells to use, I was so epicly tired that my hand was shaking when I tried to write out the title of my next experiment to be conducted a mere six hours later. So I decided to take the high road and finish my lab report like a good girl. Except, like a bad girl, I decided I was so highly uninterested in chemical reactions that I wrote the following (verbatim):

Introduction

There comes that time of year when all my motivation goes down the tubes because the semester is almost at an end and the increasingly pleasant weather is imminent of glorious summer afternoons.

Without further ado, I would like to inform you that you will find neither the introduction nor the discussion section of this lab report completed because, for lack of a better phrase, I don’t feel like doing it. I wish I could put it in less criminalizing words, but I would rather be honest than try to put together a feeble excuse, especially considering how I am already blatantly disfiguring what is meant to be a scientific report with this paragraph.

I'm sure you have marking to get done, so I apologize for wasting your time, but I do feel obligated to give you an insight into my academically deviant mind because you have been very forgiving with me this semester and I appreciate it. The only reasoning I can give you is: I’m a wuss and I’m tired of school. (Yes, I realize this is only a second-year class, but this is my fourth year in university and I salute all those who stay on for longer).

To further elongate this report so you don’t immediately notice something fishy about it (before you even read these words), here is a cupcake recipe to fatten up the page count and possibly your gut in the future:

[Cupcake recipe was inserted here with APA citation included in the References page.]

I find baking to be a lot like a Chemistry lab: you mix your reagents in a bowl, follow the procedure and stick it in the oven, and you end up with an (hopefully) edible product.

I hope you found this to be a nice detour from your work in Organic Chemistry. Please enjoy the rest of this report (or lack thereof).

Yes, I did in fact hand that in. Here's hoping my TA has a good sense of humour... (And the font got really small because...?!?!)

The Anecdote Corner

This post is inspired by my friend who is starting up her own blog based on the craziness that happens to her on a daily basis and, as she herself states, warrants a sitcom on her life.

There are times when I believe that my life is a huge experiment on love and social awkwardness and as such I am the unwitting participant thrown into these situations on such a regular basis that they aren't even that embarrassing to me anymore (although unsparingly embarrassing to innocent bystanders).

Like a little while ago I managed to spill my change all over the floor at a grocery store when I was at the cash register, and of course, being the baller that I am (sarcasm!), I didn't even have any big change to proudly pick up, it was all dimes and pennies (they add up, okay?). I scurried around on all fours trying to pick everything up while the frail, old lady standing behind me in line clucked her tongue in impatience. I should have bent over and shown off my booty instead of crawling around like an infant on caffeine, at least it would've given the male patrons something to look at (yes, I pride myself on having a nice bum).

Another time even earlier in the past, it was winter time, I was walking into my school building and for whatever reason, the doors to my school feel like they're made of dead bodies coz they're so freaking heavy. Anyway, I went to pull one open and the floor was wet from the snow that had been forced to abandon its cold, icy abode outdoors, and as Newton rightly stated, every action has a reaction, and my foot slipped out from under me as I pulled the door open. My knee made a satisfying thud as it hit the floor, and the young man who was walking ahead of me turned around to see what had transpired. So now I'm staring at this guy on one knee. If I was holding a rose in my mouth and a ring in one hand, I'm sure he would have said yes. We stared at each other, him wondering why security doesn't keep the weirdos out and me wondering if he'll magically find me hilarious and entertaining. After enough awkward silence to owe ten people pennies, he asked if I was alright, and I mumbled a yes to my extended foot. And then my life went on.

Even now as I write this in my school cafeteria, some fellow intellectuals just entered from outside and sent all my napkins flying off the table with the wind they carried in with them. If only my hair was down, it could've have been one of those geeky-but-sexy shampoo commercials.

Anyway, such is my life. I love it, not going to lie, I think it makes me super laid back and easygoing, to the point of laughing at situations which are more deserving of eyebrows knitted together in worry. Laugh, friends. Life is a barrel of monkeys!

What a Tease

It's a lovely spring day here in good ol' Ontario, and it makes me so hopeful and optimistic. Or perhaps it's the three hours of sleep I am running on...

Speaking of school (I really wasn't, but now I am, sucka!), it's that time of the year when your motivation to do any school work plummets down south to the Antarctic. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I just can't seem to get past doing the bare minimum. I'm sure this is a common symptom of Dear-Babylon-this-school-year-never-ends syndrome for many of us in academia, but about 2% of my brain releases the guilt chemicals for not being more on top of my responsibilities. But to put things in perspective, the other 98% just wants to roll around in bed under the covers forever.

I'm not sure why I've been feeling so apathetic about life lately. Well, I guess the feeling (or should I say lack thereof) comes and goes in waves, punctuated by a dramatic rise in stress levels as I realize I don't even know what I'm going to do with my time this summer, let alone after I finally get my degree (which isn't happening for a while, so put the pom poms away... I do appreciate them, though, thank you <3). Yeah, I'm at the pinnacle of my youth, the world is my pearl, etc. I guess I'm just unsure about what lies ahead. Trying to get a summer job has so far been a harrowing and futile experience, but I still keep plugging along in an effort to avoid homework (see how that works?).

My mom says that the twenties are not exactly a smooth ride because you're still trying to figure out who you are, what you want to achieve, and how to get out and stand on your own two feet. And she reminisces back to her thirties with a smile (note to Mom: I don't think you're old... you legit look like you're still enjoying your thirties).  My dad also says that things will work out for me, it's just a matter of time and sticking to your values.

So with the wise words of my parents, who, to my disdain at times, are always right (man, that gets annoying), I am more at ease about what the future holds.

Also, I am blessed with amazing friends who are not only supportive, but inspirational in how they deal with the cards life deals them. Par exemple, my one friend is so willing to volunteer his time to, as he puts it, "serve the community," since he won't be working many hours during the summer. Seriously, all he's missing is his armour and white horse. Chivalry isn't dead, people, hurrah!

In conclusion, for anyone out there who feels lost, regardless of your age or where you are in life, just know that perhaps the unknown isn't something to fear, but to embrace and look forward to. Uncertainty builds character. And those are my wise words (quote it, biatch)!

Peace, my gorgeous homies.

Not a Quitter!

I know, I know. I once again went MIA. I did the full first week of Insanity and immediately proceeded to severely pull my back, become deathly ill and start that time of the month (pertaining to the ladies).

However! These are not meant to be excuses! My back took ages to get better, so I reverted to doing TurboFire and have so far been on track. I've done two weeks so far without missing a day, I'm really enjoying it (the music and Chalene Johnson have converted me) and I can feel myself getting stronger.

I've also stuck my guns to not eating food from work and so far so good.

I'm actually being yelled at by the maternal unit for not being at her side, so I gotta run. I'll be back!

Insanity Day 3: Power Resistance and Something

I forget the title because it's late and I'm about to hit the hay. I woke up too late this morning to do my workout during the day (life gets in the way, silly thing) so I did it at 9:30 pm and I was afraid I'd be so tired but I persevered! :D Although I spent a lot of time just watching the screen wondering how Shaun T's group was doing the exercises. At one point, I even said out loud, "Are you kidding me?" (for the moving push ups). I could've done more, DARN THE MENTAL BLOCK! Oh well, I forgive myself... this once...!!
I also ate like a fiend today, and I happen to work at Tim Hortons, which means there is basically nothing healthy to eat, and I unfortunately gorged on some of their "Always Fresh" products to kill my hunger and I regret that decision. So, I've made a rule for myself: no more snacks from work! I gotta just bring a piece of fruit or a yogurt cup with me, 'cause these processed carbs are NOT going to help me make it through to the top.
I'm exhausted, so I'll write more tomorrow. Peace!

Insanity Day 2: Plyometric Cardio Circuit

I'm sitting here after completing my second ever Insanity workout and I'm not sure if I have the will to get up ever again. I'M SO SORE.


I was sore this morning from previous day's routine, and I'm not gonna lie, it's the good kind of sore, but to a degree I've never felt before :|. I had to work eight hours and I was hobbling around like a grandma. A proud grandma who holds her chin high for starting on an epic journey of fitness!

Anyway, onto today's workout. It was my first ever "routine" since the first day was more of just counting how many of each exercise you can do in a minute. Today was madness. I need to work on my mental block because a lot of times I wouldn't move just because I knew it would hurt when I started and I also assumed I was too tuckered out to do a lot of it, so I just lay in child's pose trying to coax myself into doing more. Also, in the last minute or so, sweat was pouring into my eyes, and apparently my sweat is acidic coz it was burning my corneas out. I had to do the whole last part squinting to look at the screen and then shutting my eyes completely until I could mop my face with a square of Bounty paper towel :P.

I am a little disappointed because I'm sure I could have pushed harder, but at the same time it's only my second day and I realize this is new to my body; I've pretty much strapped on jet packs to my muscles and asked them to go along with it to Mars, haha.

Hopefully I will have more perseverance next time, i.e. tomorrow. I can't believe I have to go through it all over again tomorrow. Thankfully, a different routine so hopefully the variety will keep me motivated.

I really like how I'm feeling, though. In more technical issues, my floor is really slippery to exercise on (it's laminate) so with the sweat and my cross-trainers on, I can't seem to get a good grip when I'm doing stretches, which is a little annoying. But hopefully it isn't a detriment to the effectiveness of the moves.

Alright, I'll keep updating as I go along. Oh Lord, have mercy on me for Day 3...

Insanity Day 1: Fit Test of Doom

I couldn't wait to start the Insanity workout (technically the schedule starts on Monday), but I got excited, so I did!

In good news, Day 1 of Insanity has been completed :D. In bad news, I feel horribly unfit :P.

It's the shortest workout of the series and it actually didn't feel that long, but half the time I was on the ground in pain so maybe that's why... I even paused the DVD three quarters of the way through and lied on my back on the floor for a good five minutes coz I thought my appendix was gonna explode (yeah, don't know what that's about...).

Now that it's over, I'm feeling the endorphin rush (i.e. runner's high) and I'm pretty pumped to go through the madness again tomorrow. It's going to be brutal but you gotta play the game to win!

I most definitely need to stretch, eat, and nap. I'mma do that... right now :).

I See You, Baby!

Oh man, Groove Armada (Fatboy Slim Remix!) is stuck in my head like no other. Yes, I am a fob, and I heard the song for the first time today as the score to a Nike ad. As much as I am neutral on Nike (although I've heard some terrible things about sweatshops...), I was in support of the message, which was, "Life is a sport. Make it count."

On Monday, I'm going to start the infamous Insanity workout by Shaun T and the BeachBody team. I decided I would state this out into cyberspace so that I can be held accountable by someone out there and so that I actually start it and stick with it! Not gonna lie, I'm terrified. Half the reason I'm doing this is to teach myself willpower, not just for physical exertion, but for other areas of life, too. It's so easy to just lie on the ground when life knocks you down, and hopefully this will force me to get back up and face any future rut I get stuck in.

I heard Insanity is some scary business. I watched one DVD just to get accustomed to the moves and it definitely looks intense. I can do this!! (Yay for self-motivation!)

So I'll post my fit test results on here and write about my progress; I'm determined to stay on track! I bought three tubs of hummus to cover my post-workout meal requirements! Haha!

Onward bound.