Thursday, November 25, 2010

Psht, FREEZING is my middle name!

I've lived in Canada for 15.5 years and every single year, I completely underestimate how cold it becomes as winter approaches. I always assume that the transition between seasons is a subtle art that happens with a drop of one degree (Celsius) per day until it's just blatantly cold and winter-esque. Darn you, linear models, for not applying to reality!

I have this one jacket that I'm pretty sure was made solely for looking good and nothing else. I think the designer had a fabulous idea, but didn't realize we are situated near polar bear habitats, thereby including zero amounts of insulation inside. But because it is so stylin', I keep wearing it and figure if I concentrate hard enough, tufts of wool and cashmere will grow into the lining. And I figure if I look hot, heat will automatically be generated, bahaha.

As you may know, humans are mammals and we all have hair on our bodies, i.e. FUR. And let me tell you what a wonderful mechanism it is. After undergoing any hair removal procedure, I can literally feel a decline in body temperature. In light of such revelation, I would like to take this moment to appreciate my body fur for being a free and sustainable form of heat retention. Be green, be hairy!

Also, I have calculated that I smell the most vile after two days of not showering. I know ladies are generally assumed to smell like daisies and strawberry ice cream, but we too are capable of generating body odour. I've decided that it can be used as a superpower to deter anyone you choose! It's like a mosquito repellent but for humans!

I am not condoning smelling bad, just that it's a natural function, so don't worry about those days when flowers wilt as you walk by :).
On the flip side, cleaning yourself is also a highly enjoyable activity. I suggest taking note of how fulfilling it is to glide deodorant onto clean armpits.

Anyway. This is about as un-ladylike as I get, but I'm sure it is only adding to my charm... :|.

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